I dunno whether I have the right or not to say this one. But seriously, I’m missing my old one. I miss the old me. Yes! The person who always smile and cheerfull, no matter what’s going on, no matter how hard life is. The old me always do everything well. The old me always do fine. Yes! I miss her, the old NJ. The old NJ who has a big dreams, who doesn’t stop to pursue her dream, who doesn’t care about what people said about her, who walks with her own style, walks in her way. I do really miss that NJ. Cause today, it’s kind of very different NJ. This NJ is just a girl who has no passion to continue her life, who usually thinks that her life already done here, who usually thinks that her life is a big failure. It’s like the opposite of old NJ.
Today, I’m sick. And I’m so tired of living my daily habit. I feel like I don’t have any choice to escape or even to fix the wrong one. I’m trapped in this fucking, sad, worst situation. I cried a river when this morning, I accidently see my old blog. I read one by one what I already post there. My English is kind of good. *nyehee* and guess what? I have never been this shock before. By reading the posts I made there, I see how strong and cheerfull NJ was. She usually post any kinf of happiness, spread her smile, happiness, no matter what’s going on, no matter how hard her life was, she usually share happiness.
I never realize that I changed this much. I turn into a pathethic and loner. I do really need that spirit. A spirit that push me to the limit, that encourage me everytime. I know that it is kind of different today. It is not the same anymore.
I see, almost all of my spirits are coming from Kpop. Yes! How I admire Kpop so bad, how I was fangirling everytime. It realls gave me spirit and inspired me a lot. I usually did my best. But today, every thing is different. Kpop is not as ‘spirited’ as before. The concept, the ideology, and even the Kpopers already different. Everthing has its own limitation. Kinda right!I already reach my limit of admiring Kpop. I should stop here, I really should…
I really want to go back to the time when I was that happy just seeing SHINee. When I was so passsionate to meet all of my friends… and when I was very strong to live this life… I miss all of things in the past. I miss my friends, I miss how we laugh, spending our precious time. Today, everything is not the same anymore. All of us changed, and it seems like a space among us…
I’m so sad that I can’t find another spirit to encourage this useless NJ. To wake this NJ up.
But still, thanks for my old blog that memorize the old NJ. And today, I find a little spirit in my heart to fix everything and to have a better life.
I know it will not definetely easy for me who already fall this down. But I’ll wake up to fix everything. It isn’t too late to fix the wrong one. You have to be as happy as old NJ and you have the right to live a happy life like before.
You already cried a lot, there is no more tears for every single thing you face. Face all of the barriers as the old NJ.
And everytime you feel tired and want to give up. Remember that you have mother fuckers to prove them wrong!
Remember all of the sadness and sorrows you go through before. After all of the things, you really have the right to be happy and success, NJ!
Go! Go! Go!
Now charging yourself with the old NJ…. biip…biip…biip… 10% charging ^^